Sunday, December 27, 2009

I Am In Love Submitted by Dawn Maslar-Ranish on December 27th, 2009

Hello Dawn,

My situation is no different from a lot of women in recovery. I’ve been clean for 10 years, come tomorrow it will be 11 years through God’s grace and mercy and of course these rooms and the steps. I’ve really just now realized that I’ve fallen deeper in love with my husband of 7 years! And that may sound a bit crazy, however, if you knew me you’d know that I still have major trust issues as well as major love issue’s. I was never really loved as a child and I was used and abused in a very long relationship (22 years) while I was using. So, when I met and married my husband, I loved him, however I really fell in love with him during the last three years we’ve been married. I now think that I didn’t trust myself enough to really let go and fall in love with him because I was afraid if I did, he’d hurt me! Does that sound strange or crazy to you?

Dear In Love,

I just adore this letter! What a wonderful thing to write about – being in love with your husband. You ask me if it’s strange or crazy that you have grown to love him? My answer is no. In fact, I have a totally different word for it…are you ready? Your marriage is healthy! Growing to love someone and loving them more and more as the time goes on is the model of love

What’s unhealthy is expecting instant intimacy, or love at first sight. As I explained earlier in another blog, love at first sight is simply a hormone induced haze. It will eventually wear off. Hopefully by the time the trance wears off you have gotten to know each other and developed true love.

You stated you had major issue’s that may have prevented you from falling in love earlier. This makes perfect sense. Many people in recovery have intimacy issues. Many of us build a wall around our hearts for protection. Slowly, as your trust grew, you were able to dismantle your wall, brick by brick, until you were finally able to feel the love. Congratulations! I am very happy for you. You are very fortunate, and are a shining example for all of us to follow.


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